this player is for surreal

Players: Frank Bolick, Craig Paquette, Tom Redington, Paul Russo

Card: 1992 Topps #473

Errors: One of these players is not like the others; one of these players just doesn't belong. Who is Craig Paquette pointing at? Does Frank Bolick only play night games?

Comments: We are pleased to announce Paul Russo has been named the associate director of regional scouting for the Minnesota Twins. Paul, who served as interim executive assistant to the subregional director of Midwest scouting, replaces Clem Labine, who was recently promoted to senior executive director of player development and catering.

Paul joined the Minnesota Twins in 1992. He was a cartoon sketch before being painted by the esteemed Wassily Kandinsky for several years.

In addition to Paul's experience as a water color and a charcoal drawing, Paul was instrumental in encouraging the Twins to sign more illustrated players. Under Paul's leadership, the Twins scouting department has won numerous awards; including, most recently, the St. Paul County Fair Best in Show.

The Twins had many qualified candidates who applied for the position. However, Paul is an 'outside-the-cubism' thinker. He left a major impression on our leadership team, because he refuses to be abstract or transparent.

(Rumors that Paul was a real player simply using enhanced body paints have been thoroughly investigated and refuted.)

Until a permanent replacement can be found, Paul's previous position will be filled by night watchman Frank Bolick, who is currently working to transform himself from a solid to a more ephemeral artistic form, possibly a song or a spoken poetry jam.

We believe Paul puts us in the best position to move ahead in the post modern world.

Join us in congratulating Paul. (Please do not shake his hand - he smudges easily.)

Scoring: 5-2-6-2

a coat of harms

Player: Dave Lemanczyk
Card: 1978 Topps #33
Errors: Player is sporting the extremely fierce and intimidating baby blue, iron-on Jays uniform. Was it cold on picture day? He paused and a brief shadow crossed his face as he considered his own mortality.
Comments:
Dearest mothur and fathur!
When or if you find this Ill alreedy be gone. I can’t say where I am but its probably passed the corner. Maybe all the way to Coach Hartsfields house. I can’t say! (DON’T LOOk at Coach Hartsfields house, or in his backyard.)
As punichment for being the wurst parents of all time you’ll probubly never see me agian! I hope your happy! YOU MADE ME SOOOO MAD!!!
It’s not fare! I told you that it was a bright sunny day out. All the other players got to where there regular uniforms! Jerry Garvin + Steve Staggs + EVEN PHIL ROOF WHO NEVER PLAYS all woar the regular uniforms. But Mom kept saying it was too cold even tho there was no fans and it was very very very very very sunny. And Dad said zip it all the way up even tho I threw 252 innings and I kNOW HOW TO WEAR A UNIFORM! I threw 11 complete games and I dont need help getting dresst!
I DID NOT WANT TO WHERE A JACkET! I LOOK LIKES A DORk!
You are the wurst parents in the entire Earth and universe. I am so mad and Bobby Bailor said I was a Momma’s Boy.
So I had to leaf. I hope your happy. YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME AGIAN!!!!!
Davey
p.s. Please remember to feed Scraps. Also, can you bring over my light blue pajamas? Leave them on the porch and I will get them.

p.p.s. Goodby forEVER!!!!
Scoring: CS 3-5

head full of bed

Player: Dickie Thon
Card: 1989 Upper Deck #258
Errors: Apparently still on MLB probation, player was not issued team hat. Player showed up to stadium on wrong day or wrong city - discovered park empty.
Comments: We join this week’s Uglee Card's 2008 Salute!…to hair criminal trial, already in progress...Let's listen in...

Fancy lawyer man: Your honor, I object! Arguing facts not in evidence! At no point has anyone presented even a single shred of testimony that my client was sleeping directly before he arrived at the ballpark.
In fact, Mr. Thon’s wife testified that my client spent most of the morning in question grooming his expansive, luxurious mustache and eyebrows.
If my esteemed opponent wants to prove a charge of aggravated bed head, she knows that state statute requires hair intent. Her conduct is totally unprofessional.

Fancy lawyer woman: Well, your honor, I object to that characterization!
He knows I have latitude in my cross examination. I think my opponent has gone out of his way to show that his client’s scruffy, disheveled faux-beard is part of a “style.” I’m trying to show that this is more than a case of negligent hat hair. This hair has been teased!

Anyhow, I have a right to question the witness once he takes the stand.
Judge in bathrobe: Thank you, counsel and counsel. I’ll take both your arguments into consideration. But first, I’d like to ask the cat on Mr. Thon’s head a few questions.

Thon’s head: Meow.

Judge in bathrobe: Case closed!

Scoring: F8