Thursday, April 10, 2008

head full of bed

Player: Dickie Thon
Card: 1989 Upper Deck #258
Errors: Apparently still on MLB probation, player was not issued team hat. Player showed up to stadium on wrong day or wrong city - discovered park empty.
Comments: We join this week’s Uglee Card's 2008 Salute!…to hair criminal trial, already in progress...Let's listen in...

Fancy lawyer man: Your honor, I object! Arguing facts not in evidence! At no point has anyone presented even a single shred of testimony that my client was sleeping directly before he arrived at the ballpark.
In fact, Mr. Thon’s wife testified that my client spent most of the morning in question grooming his expansive, luxurious mustache and eyebrows.
If my esteemed opponent wants to prove a charge of aggravated bed head, she knows that state statute requires hair intent. Her conduct is totally unprofessional.
Fancy lawyer woman: Well, your honor, I object to that characterization!
He knows I have latitude in my cross examination. I think my opponent has gone out of his way to show that his client’s scruffy, disheveled faux-beard is part of a “style.” I’m trying to show that this is more than a case of negligent hat hair. This hair has been teased!
Anyhow, I have a right to question the witness once he takes the stand.
Judge in bathrobe: Thank you, counsel and counsel. I’ll take both your arguments into consideration. But first, I’d like to ask the cat on Mr. Thon’s head a few questions.
Thon’s head: Meow.
Judge in bathrobe: Case closed!
Scoring: F8

1 comment:

Gellman said...

Dude, he is half way to a wicked mullet.