Showing posts with label 1986. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 1986. Show all posts

Thursday, September 11, 2008

disappearing in a von hayes

Player: Mickey Hatcher
Card: 1986 Topps Twins leaders #786
Errors: Although this is a "Twins leaders" card, player lead the team in no discernable statistical categories. Player wore baseball jammies during game. Player is emerging from a cloud.
Comment:
The outlook was quite foggy for the Minnesota nine that day;
The score stood 14-3, with but 1/3 of an inning left to play.
But when Hrbek hit a grand slam and Gaetti did the same;
The single fan remaining decided not to leave the game.

Then Tuefel let drive a single, to the bemusement of all;
And Burnansky, the much despised, tore the cover off the ball.
Unfortunately the thick smog never lifted, so the fan didn’t see what had occurred:
Tom was safe at second, and Tim - hugging third.

Then from almost five throats and more there rose a dusty cough;
It ambled over Astroturf, it jangled in the roof.
It knocked upon the Xcel Center, where McCain had nearly fallen flat;
For Mickey, mighty Mickey, was allegedly advancing to the bat.

There was a cloud near Mickey’s body as he stepped into his place;
There was haze near Mickey’s helmet and a double exposure on Mickey’s face.
And when, responding to the cheer, he lightly doffed his hat;
The lone fan in the crowd wondered: ‘Is that Pigpen at the bat?’

And now the made-in-Japan sphere came careening through the air,
And Mickey suddenly vanished as if he were never there.
From the benches, there went up a muffled roar;
Mickey's teammates had long ago fallen asleep and now began to snore.

“Find him! Find the player!” shouted someone in the stand;
And it’s likely they’d-a done so had not someone spotted Mickey’s hand.
They saw a foot near second base and heard a player strain;
They assumed Mickey must have hit it and wondered if he’d ever be seen again.

The field has disappeared from view, despite playing in a dome;
The fan begins to wonder whether to turn off the air conditioning when the team’s at home.
And now Mickey’s heard rounding third, and now the fan is yelling, ‘Go!’
And now the smog swirls and spikes begin to show.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land, the fans can see the game;
Somewhere smog has lifted, and clouds have done the same;
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere there is sun;
But there is no joy in Minnesota - no one knows if Mickey scored the run.

Scoring: F8

Thursday, July 24, 2008

and it's tasty, too

Player: John Wathan
Card: 1986 Topps #556
Errors: Another in the collection of fabulous light blue Major League baseball uniforms. Player may be practicing bunting with the donut still on.
Comments:
John Wathan's special baseball donut recipe
Serves four; about 8 minutes cooking time

Ingredients:
One (1) cup all-purpose flour
One-half (1/2) cup sugar
One (1) level tablespoon double acting baking powder
One-half (1/2) cup of milk
One-quarter (1/4) teaspoon of ginger
One (1) wooden bat

Instructions:
Mix flour, sugar, baking powder and milk in large mixing bowl. When ingredients are thoroughly mixed - and Lonnie Smith has grounded out - pour onto baking sheet.
While Onix Concepcion is stepping up to the plate, roll into 5-inch long strip. Fold strip into circle, until in shape of "donut" and Darryl Motley is on third.
Cook for 23 seconds on 450 degrees, or until Steve Balboni gets picked off first.
Remove crispy brown donut while Mark Gubicza warms up.
Shove donut onto bat and eat in the on-deck circle!
Scoring: CS 2-5

Thursday, January 17, 2008

a hat with a view of the world


Manager: Jim Leyland
Card: 1986 Topps Traded #66T
Errors: Bad uni. Bald spot visible through three-story hat.
Comments: "Jim, come in. Have a seat. We're glad you could make it today.
"Make yourself comfortable. You like that big chair, Jim? How's it feel - comfy? Good, good. Because, well, that's actually what we wanted to talk to you about, Jim.
"Chuck's done a hell of a job for us, Jim. No one will ever forget the '79 Series. Unforgettable. But, well, the last two years the Pirates finished sixth. Lost 104 games last year. Just not acceptable in Pittsburgh, you understand Jim.
"And, well, we just love what you're doing down there in Evansville. Fantastic stuff, Jim, really.
"I'll just be direct here. Chuck's stepping down and we'd like you to consider taking the manager's job. There's a substantial raise obviously. But there's more, Jim.
"You'll have some good young talent, too, Jim. Pena, Bream - they're ready to go. Bobby Bonds' kid should be ready to play this year. He's skinny, but he's the real deal. Plus, we've got our eye on the Cardinals' centerfielder, this pitcher with the Yankees and an outfielder from the White Sox, Bob Bonilla. It's an up-and-coming squad, Jim. We really think so.
"You'll do it? That's great, Jim. That's just great. We think this is a perfect match. A good fit, really.
"Oh, Jim. Before you go. One more thing. We almost forgot. You'll still get the talent, and the raise, and the big chair, and all that. But you're going to have to wear a hat made of mosquito netting. And it's about three feet tall. It's a completely ridiculous hat, Jim, but, well, we feel very strongly about this.
"Oh sure, Jim, you think about it. Talk to your wife. That's fine. We'll be here, waiting, Jim, with the chair, and the raise, and the talent. And the stovepipe baseball hat.
"Talk to you soon, Jim."
Scoring: 6-4-3