Thursday, August 28, 2008

this player is for surreal

Card: 1992 Topps #473
Errors: One of these players is not like the others; one of these players just doesn't belong. Who is Craig Paquette pointing at? Does Frank Bolick only play night games?
Comments: We are pleased to announce Paul Russo has been named the associate director of regional scouting for the Minnesota Twins. Paul, who served as interim executive assistant to the subregional director of Midwest scouting, replaces Clem Labine, who was recently promoted to senior executive director of player development and catering.
Paul joined the Minnesota Twins in 1992. He was a cartoon sketch before being painted by the esteemed Wassily Kandinsky for several years.
In addition to Paul's experience as a water color and a charcoal drawing, Paul was instrumental in encouraging the Twins to sign more illustrated players. Under Paul's leadership, the Twins scouting department has won numerous awards; including, most recently, the St. Paul County Fair Best in Show.
The Twins had many qualified candidates who applied for the position. However, Paul is an 'outside-the-cubism' thinker. He left a major impression on our leadership team, because he refuses to be abstract or transparent.
(Rumors that Paul was a real player simply using enhanced body paints have been thoroughly investigated and refuted.)
Until a permanent replacement can be found, Paul's previous position will be filled by night watchman Frank Bolick, who is currently working to transform himself from a solid to a more ephemeral artistic form, possibly a song or a spoken poetry jam.
We believe Paul puts us in the best position to move ahead in the post modern world.
Join us in congratulating Paul. (Please do not shake his hand - he smudges easily.)
Scoring: 5-2-6-2


jv said...

I can't tell you how many times I've thought the same thing about this card. I can't look at it without getting a little creeped out...

Uglee Card said...

I've seen a lot of painted on jerseys and hats, but this has to be the first entire painted player. It makes you wonder what went in to that decision. Incidentally, Russo seems like a cool guy:

Uglee Card said...

OK, well that link didn't work at all. Just google Phil Russo and baseball. He built a stadium for handicapped kids. Real ones, not painted ones.

MMayes said...

If this creeps you out, try looking at 1977 Rick Jones. He looks like he's been embalmed.

Anonymous said...

That's nothing...check out this:

Uglee Card said...

Thesis: Paul Russo did not exist.
Defend or refute.
Word limit: 10.

DEFEND: Paul Russo did exist because he wore a hat.

MMayes said...

Russo's blood is baseball. Man cannot exist apart from hemoglobin.

See for evidence