Thursday, March 6, 2008

the card's the thing

Player: Gary Pettis
Card: 1989 Upper Deck #117
Errors: Player is heavily wrist banded. Player's speed has reduced crowd to dull blur. Card creates hole in universe sucking in anything smaller than John Kruk.
Comments: If you could look at your own soul, what would you see? If a slice of your essence was on a microscope slide, what would it show?
Joy? Despair? Heartache? Incaviglia? Agony?

As he stared into the card that was the very card he held in his hand, Gary Pettis wondered what it would be like to be Gary Pettis for a day.
As the thought entered his head, The Card became reality.
All around him, the Pettisville Pettises played in Pettis Stadium, even though the forecast called for weather that was more than slightly Pettis. Gary Pettis threw a nasty slider to Gary Pettis, who swung and missed. But Gary Pettis ruled the ball was tipped before it fell out of catcher Gary Pettis's glove. Manager Gary Pettis was irate and planned to contact Pettis League commissioner Gary Pettis. It was a clear violation of the Gary Code, subsection Pettis, part Pettis.
In the booth, Gary Pettis tried to keep track of all the action below. But even as he described the Pettis-sized disaster that was forming on Pettis Field, he couldn't help but think of the diagnosis Dr. Gary Pettis had given him that morning. The Gary-Rays confirmed it: he had Pettis. Even a Pettisectomy might not save him. Pettis wondered if he would even be there for Opening Pettis next year. He knew he would have to rely on the spiritual strength of his wife, Gary Pettis, more than ever.
Meanwhile, in the stands - row Gary, seat Pettis - a young Gary Pettis looked at his hero and wondered: "Who am I? If I am Gary Pettis, then am I not Matt Nokes? Am I any less Kevin Seitzer than I am Gary Pettis?" Those thoughts were crudely interrupted by a vulgar, loathsome vendor selling fried Pettis and light-up Garys.
With the Pettises ahead Gary to Pettis, the stadium began to clear out and thousands of Gary Pettises headed home on Pettis Expressway, while writers for the DailyPettis punched out the last few grafs for their columns. Few noticed the note pinned up by Pettsville Pettises clubhouse attendant, Gary Pettis. It read simply, humbly:
"The soul is life. The soul feeds. Look into yours. Then try playing rightfield. It's tough."
Scoring : CS 2-5


White Sox Cards said...

Ahh, Gary Pettis. The only player in the 1985 Topps set to have the batboy sub for his picture. Maybe Gary was too busy stealing bases?

That single lapse in judgement created a vortex that would trap Gary in his own card.

capewood said...

I can't think of a single one but I'm sure there are other cards where the player is holding the card he's appearing on. A vortex card, I like the sound of that. How do they do that anyway. It would be easy with Photoshop but that Pettis card is from well before Photoshop.


Anonymous said...

This "vortex" card is quite easy, since he is looking at the back of the card, the front of the card could very well be blank.

Tim in New Orleans

capewood said...

I didn't think of that. But I'm sure there are others with the card front. Of I could just be crazy.

Anonymous said...

Capewood, you are correct. Check out the "Dinged Corners" blog (linked from this blog) on Feb 27. They have a Mike Perez looking at the front of his card. Now that is a tricky piece of work!

Tim in NOLA

capewood said...

Tom, good work! My short term memory is shot. I saw that post when it was new but didn't remember it until you dug it up. Dinged Corners called in an infinity card. That's another Upper Deck card (from '93) employing this trick. I think there are more.


NYBBNUT said...

Didn't Gary Pettis' nephew pose for one of his cards? I think the 85 Topps card if I'm not mistaken. Now that is funny!!!

NYBBNUT said...

A vortex, yes!! Gary went into the future and was able to see his card but then he started to disappear on it so he had to return to the present and continue his mediocre career.

Mahmood Ali said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mahmood Ali said...

Gary card is so simple...having small piece of data...
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Mahmood Ali said...

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